Grinder Rights Fantasy HockeyWeek 2  2026-10-12
The Grinder Report
Analysis, overreactions and lines from the Grinder Rights desk
Finals
Final
Snowball's Soldiers1,259.0
Dry Bones1,107.0
Final
Office of the Czar1,020.0
The wiener slingers923.0
Final
al iafrate's skullet1,152.5
Lord Pretty Flacko819.5
Final
Alex Steam1,310.0
Seabiscuit In Front1,002.5
Final
Backdoor Billy1,074.5
Placeholder Team Name965.5
Final
Putin’s Glendening1,156.0
Cali Clutterbucks764.5
Final
Shmurda Team920.0
Man Hands856.0

Alex Steam runs the table; Lord Pretty Flacko skates on thin ice

By the Grinder Rights analytics desk
The Storyline

Week 2 in two minutes

Last week
  • Alex Steam hung 1,310.0 on the board and owned the week.
  • Lord Pretty Flacko missed its projection by 320.
  • Auston Matthews led all players with 210.5 for Alex Steam.
  • Cali Clutterbucks (764.5) takes home the participation trophy.
The Rundown

Who got whacked, who's hot, who's not

Who got whacked?
Cali Clutterbucks
Max · 0-2
Putin’s Glendening ran it up by 391.5 and nobody called mercy. Rough week for Cali Clutterbucks.
Lost 764.5-1,156.0 to Putin’s Glendening-391.5
Who's hot?
Alex Steam
2-0
Alex Steam is cooking. 198.7 over the league average and not even breathing hard.
1,139.2 avg, last 2 weeks+198.7 vs avg
Who's not?
Seabiscuit In Front
Robert Ziegler · 0-2
Cold doesn't cover it. Seabiscuit In Front is in a full deep freeze.
794.2 avg, last 2 weeks-146.3 vs avg
Every team's score, Week at a glance
Cali Clutterbucks 764
Alex Steam 1,310
League avg 1,024
Above averageBelow averageHover a dot for the teamYahoo projection miss: -10% (actual vs. projected)
League Leaders

Which GM owns each category

Team totals across every player who suited up for them.

Season to date · 2 weeks
Goals
Ezra
Placeholder Team Name
1-1
27
27 goals for Placeholder Team Name. Pucks go in, standings go up.
Next: Cali Clutterbucks 23
Assists
Ezra
Placeholder Team Name
1-1
43
Placeholder Team Name leads in assists with 43. The secondary-helper lobby thanks you.
Next: Alex Steam 37
Penalty Minutes
Charlie
Dry Bones
1-1
89
89 penalty minutes. Dry Bones plays like the refs owe them money.
Next: Backdoor Billy 68
Blocked Shots
Jacob
Lord Pretty Flacko
1-1
84
Shot-blocking leader: Lord Pretty Flacko, with 84. Pain is temporary, fantasy points are forever.
Next: Putin’s Glendening 74
Hits
Charlie
Dry Bones
1-1
143
Dry Bones leads in hits with 143. Chiropractors league-wide are thrilled.
Next: Office of the Czar 139
Faceoff Wins
Alex Steam
2-0
344
Alex Steam won 344 draws. The puck just knows where to go.
Next: Man Hands 310
Week 2 only
Goals
Ezra
Placeholder Team Name
1-1
14
Next: Alex Steam 12
Assists
2 Tied
Alex Steam, Placeholder Team Name
22
Next: The wiener slingers 19
Penalty Minutes
Charlie
Dry Bones
1-1
47
Next: Backdoor Billy 40
Blocked Shots
Noah
Putin’s Glendening
1-1
53
Next: The wiener slingers 43
Hits
Eric
Office of the Czar
2-0
83
Next: Snowball's Soldiers 80
Faceoff Wins
john
Snowball's Soldiers
1-1
182
Next: Alex Steam 171
Matchups

All seven, graded

Bars show the final score; the tick is where Yahoo had them.

WinnerLoserYahoo projectionAll bars share one scale
Snowball's Soldiers john
1,259.0
Dry Bones Charlie
1,107.0
Final margin 152.0
Film roomJake Oettinger alone outscored the final margin of 152.0. One-man band. Dry Bones brought a wooden stick to a carbon-fiber fight.
Alex Steam
1,310.0
Seabiscuit In Front Robert Ziegler
1,002.5
Final margin 307.5
Film room307.5-point beatdown. Alex Steam was running up the score and nobody blames them. Seabiscuit In Front has been placed on week-to-week status.
Backdoor Billy
1,074.5
Placeholder Team Name Ezra
965.5
Final margin 109.0
Film roomThe margin was 109.0. Tim Stutzle had 163.5. Do the math, Placeholder Team Name. Rough one for Placeholder Team Name. The group chat has been notified.
al iafrate's skullet Bobby
1,152.5
Lord Pretty Flacko Jacob
819.5
Final margin 333.0
Film roomYaroslav Askarov finished at -4.0. The desk has been asked not to show the tape. Lord Pretty Flacko will be on the waiver wire at 3 a.m.
Office of the Czar Eric
1,020.0
The wiener slingers Andrew
923.0
Final margin 97.0
Film roomTake Tim Washe's 137.0 off the sheet and The wiener slingers wins this. You can't, though. That's the rule. The wiener slingers played like the Zamboni was still on the ice.
Putin’s Glendening Noah
1,156.0
Cali Clutterbucks Max
764.5
Final margin 391.5
Film roomPutin’s Glendening won by 391.5. The mercy rule should exist. Cali Clutterbucks is now accepting thoughts, prayers, and trade offers.
Shmurda Team Adam
920.0
Man Hands james
856.0
Final margin 64.0
Film roomJohn Gibson posted -8.0. In a points league. On purpose? Unclear. Man Hands is still looking for the forecheck.
Team Awards

Hardware and hard truths

Team of the Week
Alex Steam
2-0
Alex Steam put up 1,310.0 and made it look routine.
Beat Seabiscuit In Front W 1,310.0-1,002.5
Most Points in a Loss
Dry Bones
Charlie · 1-1
1,107.0 and a loss. Somewhere a schedule-maker is laughing.
Lost to Snowball's Soldiers L 1,107.0-1,259.0
Luckiest Win
Shmurda Team
Adam · 1-1
Won with 920.0. That would have lost 10 other matchups. Take the W and run.
Beat Man Hands W 920.0-856.0
Basement Dweller
Cali Clutterbucks
Max · 0-2
764.5. The desk is legally required to mention it.
Lost to Putin’s Glendening L 764.5-1,156.0
Top Performers

Where the points came from

Top five scorers in the league. Each bar breaks their week into scoring categories.

ScoringFaceoffsPIMHitsBlocksShots+/-
1
Auston MatthewsTOR · Alex Steam
Biggest source: faceoffs (94)
210.5
2
Sebastian AhoCAR · Placeholder Team Name
Biggest source: faceoffs (64)
172.0
3
Tim StutzleOTT · Backdoor Billy
Biggest source: faceoffs (70)
163.5
4
Jake OettingerDAL · Snowball's Soldiers
Biggest source: saves (118) · gave back 10 on faceoff losses, minus and goals against
156.0
5
J.T. MillerNYR · Putin’s Glendening
Biggest source: faceoffs (58)
150.0
Goon of the Week
Logan Stanley
Dry Bones
15
penalty minutes
Faceoff King
Sidney Crosby
Office of the Czar
45
faceoffs won
Human Wrecking Ball
Kiefer Sherwood
Snowball's Soldiers
23
hits
Shot Blocker Supreme
Rasmus Dahlin
Putin’s Glendening
13
blocked shots
Best Goalie
Jake Oettinger
Snowball's Soldiers
156.0
fantasy points
Sieve of the Week
Devin Cooley
The wiener slingers
-24.0
7 goals against
Biggest Upsets

When the model got it wrong

Chalk everywhere. Every projected favorite won.
Didn't Show Up

Projection vs. reality

Every team, sorted from biggest miss to biggest overachiever. Then the four worst, roasted.

Yahoo projectionActualBeat itMissed it
Lord Pretty Flacko
-320
Man Hands
-305
Shmurda Team
-271
The wiener slingers
-239
Office of the Czar
-168
Seabiscuit In Front
-130
Placeholder Team Name
-78
Alex Steam
-68
Backdoor Billy
-51
Snowball's Soldiers
-39
Dry Bones
-29
al iafrate's skullet
-11
Cali Clutterbucks
+10
Putin’s Glendening
+12
Didn't show up
Lord Pretty Flacko
Jacob · 1-1
If underachieving were a scoring category, they'd be in first. Exhibit A: Trent Frederic, 4.5 points.
819.5 of 1,140.0 projected-320.5 (28% short)
Didn't show up
Man Hands
james · 1-1
Projected for 1,160.8, delivered 856.0. Somebody check the pulse. Luke Schenn (13.0) was the anchor.
856.0 of 1,160.8 projected-304.8 (26% short)
Didn't show up
Shmurda Team
Adam · 1-1
23% under projection. The Zamboni had a better week. Evgeni Malkin (14.0) has been asked to stay after practice.
920.0 of 1,190.5 projected-270.5 (23% short)
Didn't show up
The wiener slingers
Andrew · 0-2
The projections wrote a check the roster couldn't cash. Keegan Kolesar put up 26.5 and somehow kept the job.
923.0 of 1,161.7 projected-238.7 (21% short)
Standings

The table, and how each team got its points

ForwardsDefenseGoalies (left of the line = negative)
RkTeamRecordPoints by positionTotal
1Alex Steam2-0-0
1,310.0
2al iafrate's skullet Bobby2-0-0
1,152.5
3Office of the Czar Eric2-0-0
1,020.0
4Dry Bones Charlie1-1-0
1,107.0
5Snowball's Soldiers john1-1-0
1,259.0
6Putin’s Glendening Noah1-1-0
1,156.0
7Placeholder Team Name Ezra1-1-0
965.5
8Lord Pretty Flacko Jacob1-1-0
819.5
9Backdoor Billy1-1-0
1,074.5
10Shmurda Team Adam1-1-0
920.0
11Man Hands james1-1-0
856.0
12The wiener slingers Andrew0-2-0
923.0
13Seabiscuit In Front Robert Ziegler0-2-0
1,002.5
14Cali Clutterbucks Max0-2-0
764.5
Week 3 Betting Board

Spreads, moneylines and the desk's picks

Sorted from the biggest favorite to the closest call.

How to read it. The favorite (blue) lays the spread, the underdog (gray) gets it. Moneyline -150 means risk 150 to win 100; +130 means risk 100 to win 130. Spreads come from Yahoo's original Week 3 projections; win odds assume a team's week swings about 15% around projection (from 28 team-weeks), a 4.5% house edge, and nobody above 95%. For bragging rights only.
Lock of the Week
Backdoor Billy -3535
95% to beat Cali Clutterbucks
Upset Alert
Shmurda Team +105
Getting 24.5 against Putin’s Glendening
TeamSpreadMoneylineMLWin
Backdoor Billy Favorite
Projected 1,258		-411.5-353595%
Cali Clutterbucks Underdog
Projected 846		+411.5+12805%
Backdoor Billy 95%
5%
Desk takeThe public wants Backdoor Billy. The public is usually wrong. Usually.
TeamSpreadMoneylineMLWin
Snowball's Soldiers Favorite
Projected 1,451		-259.5-54082%
Man Hands Underdog
Projected 1,191		+259.5+40018%
Snowball's Soldiers 82%
18%
Desk takeLay the points and sleep well. Or don't. It's fantasy hockey.
TeamSpreadMoneylineMLWin
The wiener slingers Favorite
Projected 1,165		-199.5-50081%
Placeholder Team Name Underdog
Projected 965		+199.5+37019%
The wiener slingers 81%
19%
Desk takeThe wiener slingers is priced like a sure thing. Remember Week 1 before you mortgage anything.
TeamSpreadMoneylineMLWin
Dry Bones Favorite
Projected 1,400		-182.5-33074%
Seabiscuit In Front Underdog
Projected 1,217		+182.5+26026%
Dry Bones 74%
Seabiscuit In Front 26%
Desk takeSeabiscuit In Front gets 3 more games than Dry Bones. Live dog.
TeamSpreadMoneylineMLWin
Lord Pretty Flacko Favorite
Projected 1,317		-151.5-28572%
Office of the Czar Underdog
Projected 1,166		+151.5+22528%
Lord Pretty Flacko 72%
Office of the Czar 28%
Desk takeLean Lord Pretty Flacko, but Office of the Czar at +225 is the kind of ticket you hide from your spouse.
TeamSpreadMoneylineMLWin
Alex Steam Favorite
Projected 1,242		-110.0-22567%
al iafrate's skullet Underdog
Projected 1,132		+110.0+18533%
Alex Steam 67%
al iafrate's skullet 33%
Desk takeAlex Steam should cover. Should.
TeamSpreadMoneylineMLWin
Putin’s Glendening Favorite
Projected 1,242		-24.5-12554%
Shmurda Team Underdog
Projected 1,217		+24.5+10546%
Putin’s Glendening 54%
Shmurda Team 46%
Desk takePure coin flip. Take the points and pray.